Dating delimas for 58 yr old men
Many that I talk to seem to hover between what they call "nice guys" and "jerks" in their dating life.
They become attracted to "jerks" for their status, ambition, and dominance—only to be hurt when those men don't live up to the cooperative and considerate cultural standard for an attachment partner.
From a cultural standpoint, men who are categorized as "disagreeable," "opinionated," or expect women to "acquiesce" may be considered unappealing as "attachment" partners.
Unfortunately, however, many of those "culturally undesirable" male traits are similar and overlapping with the traits that are biologically "attractive." Although not always true, often the man who is intelligent, high status, and ambitious will be unlikely to take a back seat, follow, and submit in a romantic relationship.
In her book, Why We Love, author Helen Fisher describes three types of love: Each of these types of love can have very different origins and be independently expressed for different people.
For example, one woman might find that she lusts after her partner, is attracted to him, and securely attached (perhaps that is the ideal).
Think of the "wish list" some women have for the perfect partner.
These feelings are more likely elicited automatically from certain cues in a partner.
For women, those attractive male cues may include physical attractiveness, social status, economic resources, ambition, industriousness, stability, and intelligence (Buss, 2003).
Here again, I posit that at least some of women's frustration in modern dating can be explained through a double-bind.
Particularly, this double bind occurs between the type of men that women find attractive (from biological/evolutionary origin)...